I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
