I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
