First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
