Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
