dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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