Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
