i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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