Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
