i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
