I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
