very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
