I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
