craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
