let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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