My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
