i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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