I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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