But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
