I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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