KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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