I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
