I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
