Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
