I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
