Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
