The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
