Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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