And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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