I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
