I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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