i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
