Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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