hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
