Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
