Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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