After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
