Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
