Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
