Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude i'm inner monologue high
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
