So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
