True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We need to get me chipped asap
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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