ugly people sure do ruin things
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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