Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
