We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
