He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
