Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
