I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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