If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
