We got so high we made milksteak
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
