sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
