Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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