sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
