I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
