I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize