After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
